Have you ever felt like you’ve missed out on anything in life?
“That’s a good question. I don’t know. I mean I’d be lying if I said no, sometimes I wish I was a bit faster at some things, or that I was able to process things a bit faster. But there’s some times that I have to realize that whether it’s caused by autism or not, it’s just part of who I am. I am meticulous, I do value quality over quantity and I think, yeah I’m slower than others but what I produce in life generally ends up being pretty good. Generally people say that I’m quite enthusiastic and I do believe that. I like to think that I have this sort of thing that’s wired into my brain where it’s 100% or nothing. That’s the best advice that I could give someone. If you give it your all, no matter how much you may suck at it, if you give it your all and put some effort into it, then yeah you can’t really beat yourself up about it. Again, I’d be lying if I said that I don’t do that too.”
Has it ever affected your everyday life?
“Yes, everyday. I always have to have my morning routine. I always need to have control of what I have for breakfast. I have to wake up at a specific time, although sometimes I do kind of break it, I’m not like, a nazi about it. It is that sort of function where some times if I’m put out of my routine or it’s just been a long, hard day of work I do get very overwhelmed and break down. My weekends typically consist of waking up at 8:30, having breakfast by 10, and then planning my meals at certain times. My knife always has to be facing my fork a specific way, and I always have to fit some drawing and guitar in. It’s just my way of happiness in life.”
If you had to share one thing with someone about the autism spectrum, whether it relates to you or not, what would it be?
“Hmm, If I had to share one thing about the autism spectrum. I’m not gonna lie, this is the most I’ve ever been questioned about autism. I remember reading this article about celebrities that are on the spectrum, there’s Dan Aykroyd, Courtney Love, they even theorize that Mozart was autistic, which I can clearly see. I don’t think that people are particularly scared of it, I think that people are just generally unaware of it. There’s a lot of false information, like pills and vaccinations are the cause of it. I think that we just need to bring more awareness to it, like bring more truth to it. There’s that saying where ‘everyone has a little autism in them’ and I’m like mehh. I think the one thing that people need to know about autism is that just because we function differently, just because half of our brains are kinda like uhhuhh!, or maybe the wires are crossed, it doesn’t mean that the wires are screwed in wrong. It’s like a Picasso piece. Imagine everyone else’s brain were like, let’s say like Leonardo Da Vinci, the Mona Lisa, or your average, everyday painting. Then you get this one Picasso painting. We need Picasso, we need Van Gogh, we need Mozart, we need Einstein. We need everyone. It’s the weirdo’s, it’s the crazy, psycho people with these brilliant ideas in their heads. Without Dan Aykroyd and his obsession with ghosts, we wouldn’t have had ‘Ghostbusters’. Without Mozart, music would probably cease to exist today, which in that case, what kind of life is that worth living?”
When did you start to realize that maybe something was different?
“Well, it wasn’t me that found out. It was more of my parents. I was diagnosed at 3 years old after doing a whole bunch of pediatric tests and stuff like that. They test the cognitive skills, like for instance there’s some sort of things, because of how my brain is wired, that are harder. Like processing things slower than others. Like for instance, especially with what the autism community would call special primary interests, which is something that we are obsessed over, like if it’s something like math or calculus or something, I would be sitting there blankly for 2 hours. I probably would have moved on and started doodling on the pages. If it’s something like Queen, I could tell you anything. If I’m interested, it’s almost like a photographic memory to me. I did have my first word, but it was actually chartreuse from watching ‘Blue’s Clues’. But after awhile, I never really spoke again and that’s when they kinda realized that maybe it was time to visit the doctor. I did school full time ever since I was in preschool. I think many parents are afraid to send them off to these schools, because they don’t want to put their child through what would seem like 8 hours of labour, which I understand. I wouldn’t be nearly as independent as I am today if I hadn’t gone to the society treatment of autism. If I didn’t have that support system I would probably be very dependent on other people, and I would be in the special class here. I have nothing against the special class and what they do here, but I feel like when it comes to treating autism, you need to stop treating them like someone who is going to be a child forever. Ignorance is bliss. But if we are talking about when I did find out that I was a little bit different, I think maybe when it comes to being in public and communicating with people. I can still read emotions. For me, in a conversation I tend to take things literally, say like someone throws out some sarcasm, I can’t always read it. I do find some jokes funny, I can still laugh at them, but some forms of sarcasm are just hard for me to read. I also tend to get really excited about some things. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but when I put my hands up to my face it’s just a sign of my excitement. It’s my stim. When I start stimming I squeeze my hands or I cover my mouth. It’s for comfort, it’s typically a form of happiness or excitement. It’s the dopamine running through the part of our brains that actually works!”
Do you feel that people are more accepting now compared to let’s say, 20 years ago?
“Yes and no. I do think that they’re more aware. Again, there’s still that false information. I think compared to even the 1950’s, I’ve seen a lot of movies about how autistic people were treated back then, I mean yeah people are a lot more accepting now but there are still people who are judgemental or just unaware. I remember there was a specific case I can think of in grade 9, this boy in my class would sit with me every lunch and we were talking about special handicapped abilities, and I was explaining my autism and he said, what’s autism? It was kind of strange, I never had to explain what autism was before. That’s when I started to realize that yeah, not everyone knows. I also tend to assume everything. It’s always justified. For instance if I’m helping my mom out with something I just assume that she already had gone and done her thing. I also tend to be oblivious to my surroundings. I don’t tend to notice someone behind me, whether I’m staring off into space, or talking to a friend about something. We are all a different piece of Picasso. We all have our different primary interests that we obsess over, we all have our different strengths and weaknesses, but it’s a coexistence that you have to play around and deal with. It’s like your roommate that you never asked for, but you know what? Oh well! It’s just a part of me. I think with or without autism, I would probably still be a little quirky and different. My key to getting through each day is to do what you’re passionate about, it should be your driving force. If you force yourself to do something that you really don’t want to do, you won’t do your best. Everyone needs to open their eyes more and realize that people are different. There’s so many types of autism, hence why it’s called a spectrum. There’s high-functioning and low-functioning people and everyone in between.”
Interview with classmate Sydney.